Almost Grasped, But Not Quite

HALFWAY

It’s been such a long time since I wrote the last entry on this blog.

Yesterday was the halfway mark of the year. Another half of 365 days and 2009 will be over. Oh, how time flies!  There were a lot of quotes that I could have used to introduce this piece but because they’re so many, I can’t think of one appropriate right now. I’m lost for words and out of breath just looking back on how my first year in Saudi Arabia went. It was something I have never expected. I changed in more ways than I can never imagine. I surprised myself. One year in the desert kingdom has taught me a lot of things. It opened my eyes to lots of realities that I would never have known if I stayed in the beloved country. This, by far, is the best travel I’ve gone to. I should thank my wanderlust for this.

I’m living with my parents now. Such independence, yes? Haha! Believe it or not, I don’t care if this is not other’s idea of independence. Who cares? I’m happy living under my parents’ supervision because 1. I’ve never lived in a house where both my parents are there. Maybe I did but that was before I turned 5 and my memory’s cloudy on that part of my childhood. My father has always been in Saudi Arabia for as long as I can remember, 2. I wanted this. I needed this. I super want and need this setup. I took this leap of faith a year ago because I wanted and needed to be with my father. I’m sure my other siblings feel the same way. 3. I can move around Riyadh freely. Because of the unusual rules of this place, I need my parents so I can go everywhere, any where I want to go to. Believe me, you will not dare yourself to take the cab alone if you’re a girl. And with this place’s smooth highways and nasty drivers, hay, I’m better off riding in a car with my father or driver (a Pakistani) on the wheel, 4. I feel so blessed and lucky. I know I’m already blessed before but being here reinforces that feeling and I feel great.

Hmn, what changes?

1. I’m not so afraid anymore. I live by the PT motto now: Do something new or something you fear everyday. There’s no other day but today. The other night, I walked in Olaya St. alone because I need to find a bakala amid all the other nationalities (men) prowling the street and eyeing me curiously. I threw caution to the wind because I badly need load. Hah! That’s after I stared two fears in the eye: a dentist and a doctor. In my pre-Riyadh life, I would have been shaking like a leaf before the consultation but now, I waited calmly outside the clinic’s door. And I am not faking the courage. Despite the different religion in this place, I am more faithful than ever. I love my God and nothing will ever change Him in my life.

2. I have what I want and I’m thankful (more than ever). I am talking about material things because from the moment I was born, I already have the family and relatives I want and need and while growing up until now, I have the best friends ever. First and foremost, a room of my own. Not that I didn’t like sharing a room with my sisters before in Makati but having a room of my own liberates me. I can be burara (which I am not now, hooray!) and I get to clean up my own mess. I have a closet full of clothes and shoes I want. A dresser full of makeup and accessories I likely wouldn’t have in Manila. And, I have a bookshelf that is overflowing with books I bought. I wouldn’t spend a penny on them in Powerbooks or National Bookstore, there’s just no way. And, I want sunshine waking me up on weekend mornings and I have that. My very own sun country. I have embraked on photography workshops and little trips that proved to be larger than what I expected. Driving and cooking, you’re up next!

3. I am in a relationship. The more complicated the better. Hehe, just kidding. Most friends know that I am NBSB and I am not ashamed of that. Whether you think it’s by choice or by chance, I don’t care. I know my reasons (or the lack thereof) and I hate being redundant. Anyway, I am in a relationship right now and I’m thankful that this guy came into my life and that I am in this experience. I will be learning lots, that’s for sure.

4. I love me. That is not said in a selfish way. I am making efforts on the looks department by an overhaul in my fashion style and makeup habits. I have been investing a lot for my physical insecurities to go away. I know insecurities are just in the mind but an improvement in appearance really boosts confidence levels. I know I’m yet to become fit and healthy. I am working on it. Promise.

5. Work is not work. I am having fun in my work and my workplace. I feel it inconsiderate to call it work when I’m having so much fun doing it. Okay, so maybe not really the work part but with the officemates and boss I have, I can’t help but feel really really lucky. Remember what I’ve gone through to be here? Well, this is worth it. My work before seems like eons ago, if not for the people who I’ve worked with then. And despite the “work,” I’m still tied to my writing craft via our blog and my blogs.

There are more points to be said and be shared but I am stopping here. For now. I learned lots, and I am still learning. Isn’t it that life is a constant learning experience? Well, this is is. I am living. Thank you God.

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