ROSE
Some say love it is a river
That drowns the tender reed.
Some say love it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love it is a hunger
An endless, aching need
I say love it is a flower,
And you it’s only seed.
It’s the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It’s the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance
It’s the one who won’t be taken,
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dying
That never learns to live.
And the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long.
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong.
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed that with the sun’s love,
In the spring, becomes a rose.
- Leanne Rimes, The Rose
RUSH
Passing Time.
My uncle and I had a slight miscommunication on the time he’s supposed to pick me up. Or I was rather late arriving at the designated place and time for his arrival that he presumed I was already at home. I, on the other hand, was still probably walking at that minute to the shed, crossing the huge hallway of the main building from a smaller one at the other side. I kept on calling him on his cellular phone but he seemed to ignore it because it just keeps on ringing until the ringing stops. I sighed.
I looked at the empty shed and took a seat at the bench nearest the parking area and the road, hoping to catch a glimpse of his beaten but still very much working car. He has recently bought a new battery for that second-hand thing after it died in the middle of a busy road. He had to ask friends from his, thankfully nearby, workplace to help push the car to their office’s parking lot. After that, he also changed the seats’ upholstery. From a worn gray to a vibrant maroon. He also placed a blue light on his mirror, I’m not sure for what. Maybe some bling. His son kept on asking to be seated in the passenger seat now because of the “high-techness” their beloved car got.
There was no sign of the old hi-tech car on the road. I kept wringing my neck at the gate a few meters away. Where can he be? I looked at my watch. It says thirty minutes after five. I shrugged my shoulders and looked around. He’s still on time. He usually shows up quarter to six. So I waited. And waited… until the sun begins to set, and the lights on the shed were turned on.
By the time I was about to freak out, my aunt called me and asked me where I was, I told her “Here! Where else can I be?” Well, my uncle was already at home and he thought I was already there having had made the round earlier to where I’m currently sitting. He didn’t see me so he assumed I’m going home by other means, or will be late in going home. Unfortunately, this is also the time his cellphone emptied its battery so there was no way to contact me. I sighed and laughed as they decided on my uncle going back to pick me up. I will have to wait some more. Okay, just what I needed. More space to wander. Or wonder. Or just do nothing.
Well, I didn’t get up on my seat. I stayed sitted and took out a book I’m halfway finishing. Under the shed light, I turned pages and read, not really mindful of my surroundings. What’s to mind? There’s barely a movement. The trees don’t sway on this side of the earth. And then I hear a roar of engine behind me. A huge vehicle parked several steps away from me on the emergency shoulder of the road. Four loud and lanky teenagers got out of the vehicle. I eyed them one by one. But I can just see the semblance. Black boys wearing white. Their hair curly and ruffled. Tall and thin, like bamboos. Their laughter fills the empty shed and the empty road. I drop my gaze when they turn to me before crossing the street. I wonder if they’re old enough to drive.
I spent my time reading and wasn’t paying attention again until I hear the squeels, the jeers, and the laughters. The teens have returned. I didn’t look at them this time. I have seen enough. So I glued my eyes on the book I’m reading and didn’t flinch a bit when they passed me by onto their huge car. They all climbed aboard talking in a language I do not know. And then the laughter again.
As they were heading out the shoulder, the driver backed the vehicle so far back that the backseat window was already beside me. As it was driving off, one of them shouted “I love youuu!” in an awkward rpugh, croaking voice. I never looked up. What’s there to see? What’s there to mind? They’re just boys. Boys who will turn into men who will turn into boys. It’s a grim cycle.
I continue reading until my uncle arrived to fetch me.
ABSENT
It’s December 1… 2008.
December 2007 seems just yesterday. I remember going to bazaars and searching for last-minute gifts for the family and friends during this time of the year. I called my December 2007 shopping “cramming” because I plan and buy gifts early and being inside the mall still scouring for gifts during the holiday month was unacceptable. Eva and I even had this impromptu trip to the World Trade Bazaar last year. We spent half day off from work to start and complete her Christmas shopping but we ended up going back to work with only a few names and items ticked on her list. Good thing, she planned early this year. No more cramming for her… or yeah, maybe just a little since I heard she hasn’t finished shopping until now. Good girl. Hahaha! As for me, I’m done with my Christmas shopping. I started shopping last September and all I need to do now is to wrap and give ‘em away. Though the giving part will be the toughest part this year because of great distances. But I’ll have to do it. I’ll do it.
I’m excited with the coming Christmas parties. The family will surely have a blast because we’ll be near complete. The father will be home for Christmas and I’m sure dinners will be served in La Union, Manila, and Camarines Sur. I wonder what the SEASONs’ theme will be this year. The white Christmas last year was fabulous. Hahaha! What will it be this year? I’m thinking retro. Or fashionista? Or red?! Hahaha! Whatever it is, I’m sure it’ll be lots of food and gifts and pictures and laughter. The ka-Seasons will never disappoint. Last year’s Christmas party in the office was kiddie-themed. Wore a mini dress ala Catholic school girl. Haha! The editorial/creative people won every major award there is. I heard this year’s theme is 60s. Hmn, probably because mini dresses are so in (for the girls, of course… couldn’t care less for the guys). Anyway, I am expecting lots from the editorial/creative group. I’m sure they’ll go beyond what was achieved last year and bag every prize there is… including the Best in Costume, yes? The high school friends will surely go to Max’s in San Fernando in honor of our holiday tradition. And then will probably go to someone’s house. I’m thinking of Grace’s this year. (I-vinolunteer?! Haha!) Aaaaw… Christmas parties and more…
I’ll be absent this year. I’ll be missing them more than ever. It’s my first Christmas away from home. Haven’t thought of anything to do on the 24th or 25th. I’m just hoping that whatever is in store for me on those dates, it’ll be fun. No sense in wishing to experience the Simbang Gabi or our family’s annual Christmas tradition of arroz caldo and barbecue in the province. The mere act of celebrating Christmas will be enough for me. I would have to start singing “Christmas won’t be the same without you” soon. (I would have to learn how to sing first, haha!) I know it’s getting cold at home. It’s actually colder here but the Christmas breeze is missing. True, we have our Christmas tree - standing proud in our living room since August - but there’s nothing Christmas-y outside the house, except for the tiny, bright lights dotting the islands in the middle of the prominent roads. They served for another purpose months ago and they’re still there for another purpose this month. Not our purpose though.
Christmas has always been special for me because I get to spend lots of time with my family and friends. This year, it will be different but I’m sure it’ll be special nonetheless. A first of many firsts. I won’t be home, yes, but I’ll be praying and wishing everyone a MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR. I’ll be blowing winter kisses from here. Til then, wait for the day when I’ll be belting out “I’ll be home for Christmas.” Hahaha.
Anyway, I just miss Christmas. Begin indulging me now. Please.
(PM me for my wishlist. Hahahaha!)
