Almost Grasped, But Not Quite

Nahihibang yata ako. Ewan ko ba. It’s just when I saw that video, tears started running down my cheeks. Take note, hindi ko namalayan na umiiyak na ako. I wasn’t really crying as in "crying." I guess the moment was just overwhelming.

I was peering into my monitor and cursing the person who uploaded that video because it was blurred. But I know it was… him. Even if I wasn’t really sure. But then, nagtangatangahan na lang ako that it wasn’t him eh ang klaro klaro sa pangalan ng video file! It was named after him!

Alam mo yun, I’ve long been looking for any trace of him eh. As in my researching skills wasn’t good enough when it comes to looking for him. Eh magaling nga ako sa research diba? I’m proud of my sleuthing skills. But when it comes to finding him, walang nagwowork. And so I gave up a long time ago. But my lack of activity has chained me in front of the computer for a few hours so when I couldn’t think of anything to do, I tried searching for him again.

And then there it was. There he is. And so now I know where he is, what he’s doing, what he’s become.

Nahihibang na yata ako. Ewan ko ba. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako naiyak. Maybe it was so good to see him again, kahit na ba blurred. Or maybe because I know where he is but I can’t do anything about it. Or maybe because I want to tell him "Huy, kamusta ka na? Naaalala mo pa ba ako? Ikaw kasi naaalala kita. Hinanap nga kita eh. Pero hindi ko naman alam kung bakit" but I can’t. Or maybe because the trail stopped right there. Wala na akong makitang iba pang link that would lead me directly to him.

Happy na frustrated. Yun nga, I am going crazy!

EDIT NOTES: Nyek, turned out I wasn’t really looking hard enough. Drama drama pa ako, eh di sana matagal na akong nagdrama kung noon ko pa ginawa ang ganong klase ng paghahanap. Hmpft! But I’m glad I found that video. It brought me places.

Sun Country.

My room is starting to look like my school project. Crude and unfinished. Well, I should really give it more time and give myself a break. I can’t do everything in one go. I have to remember there are other things that matter. I can add and subtract anything on the room one day at a time. But I’m loving the project. I have visions of the room I like and it’s turning out to be just like that. And at least now, I have a place I can call my own. Ain’t that something?

I bought some stuff for the room and I discovered how easy it is to assemble my own lamps. Especially if the lamps are made to be easily assembled. I’m loving Lersta with its steel rod and base. I’m loving Lampan with its all-white complexion, its pretty small size that perfectly fits my bedside tables. I’m even loving the garbage can. It’s transparent and just the right size. I just need to put plastic in there for the stuff I spill due to my clumsiness. Did I tell you about the bulb that went kaput? It has something to do with the watts I used in lighting the darn thing. Now, I have to make a beeline to the electric store to buy a new one. Sheesh.

And the paint. Gawd, the paint. I wanted the walls to be sunny yellow. That’s my main theme you know. I’m trying to get away from blue. I shouldn’t be reminded of the skies and the seas. And I’m not certainly putting on pink! It’s sweet and cutesy… so not me! I was thinking of a black and white thing but I figured out it might make me sentimental. And then a red and white and black theme but it’s “manly.” So I went with the yellow theme. Bright, sunny, and happy! Well, what a nice idea… which didn’t really materialize because I couldn’t paint the wall all by myself and I’m afraid I’ll mess it up and so… I forego the yellow and went with white walls. Right, white walls… but with a yellow carpet! Teehee!

(more…)

I’m used to the street tuck between the South China sea and the narrow national highway. Isn’t it ironic that I am a product of both the land and the sea, of both tradition and modernization? I walked that street every day, going up and down with traces of carelessness. Sometimes I stop to look at the leaf that falls down and to hear the gentle swaying of the others left on the big acacia tree, bidding a soft adieu to their fallen comrade. It’s time to go.

I only stumbled once on that street. And no one seemed to notice. I love it when it let me be. I pretended to tie my shoe laces, even if the bruise on my knee was
throbbing badly. It was a gentle reminder that this road has its certain dangers that I bring out through my careless demeanor. And I did fall down my bike on that obstacle once also. Again, my fault. I was riding too fast and my bike’s rear wheel got stuck on the bump. I couldn’t remember much what happened after, what I looked like after falling, because honestly, I was more eager to stand up and reclaim my dignity. Which I did, fast.

The good thing about that street is that it never condemned me. It just
waits for me and watches me come and go. There was no hint of betrayal
when I leave once in a while and come back only when I like. It was
empty sometimes but I appreciate the emptiness because it lets me savor
those times when childhood seems today.

I have walked on many streets but this certain street will always be my favorite, the closest to my heart, the one who owns me and makes me feel I own it. I’ll
surely walk on this path again. No matter what.

(more…)

The Taste of Bitterness, And Sweetness After

I nearly choked on the piece of lamb I was eating. I know it was cooked but I wondered why it didn’t taste like cooked. Its fat greasing my lips and leaving a malansa taste in my mouth. I dived for the water to wash out the taste. Three slices of the meat are good enough. Go beyond that and I’ll probably be having a heart attack. I’m eating cholesterol. After lunch, I decided to get myself a chocolate. The malansa taste wouldn’t just leave my tongue.

The yellow rice weirded me out the first time it laid rest on the dinner table. That and a piece of chicken breast marinated in spices I’m unfamiliar with. Just like how it looks, the rice’s taste weirded me out, pungent and sweet at the same time. But I’m used to eating it now. Whatever the spices are in there, they’re worth getting used to.

I miss having my usual food fare with the most popular ingredient. But I’m loving that I can change it with seafood anytime. Seafood is love. I can eat it at any time of the day, however it’s cooked, I’ll eat seafood gladly. I can do away with the other one.

Food here is far from scarce. Every corner has a restaurant. And not just the corner, include sidestreets as well. Tucked in every street is a restaurant catering to people like myself. Sometimes, I get tired with the dishes served. They’re always the same and the people I am with order the same viands over and over. Blech. I complained one time and they looked me as if I just told them to sacrifice their native land, their nationalism. No, no, no. I just want to be adventurous for once. Let’s try this and that and they said I’ll never like it anyway. How will I know if I haven’t tasted anything yet?