Almost Grasped, But Not Quite

Summer Rendezvous.

One summer, days dragged on slowly. I spent one Saturday afternoon at our patio holding a book. I think it was Huckleberry Finn then. I started loving his adventures when I was in elementary and I still read his story every chance I get. I plopped in one of our rocking chairs, hugged a pillow, and began flipping a few pages while sipping orange juice in between. It’s a hot day and I can feel my lids dropping slowly. I was startled when the book slipped out of my hands. I was drowsing off. I sat up right and focused my vision on our slightly-opened gate. It’s old now. Rust is peeking out the green paint, the same chipping disease our fences are suffering from.

While looking hard beyond the fence, I felt a tug somewhere telling me to wish for you. That I get a glimpse of you. Yes, right now. On this hot afternoon when everyone else is having their siesta and no one was walking down that beaten path for two hours straight now. (Except those whom I didn’t notice when i was dozing off.) I thought it was just my imagination. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone walking. I’m familiar with that walk. From where I sit, I saw a baseball cap hiding a face. Head lowered, you entered my vision in a slow mo. You’re wearing that olive green shirt. You’re not carrying your backpack. I was tempted to stand up to have a good look at you because our fences blocked most of your features. But I was afraid you’ll notice the slight movement from our house and then notice me. I wouldn’t want to create contact. You walked by and you walked by faster than I expected. I didn’t even get a full glimpse of your face but I know it was you. The heavens heard my prayer. I feel like filling my empty glass for a second drink now. I’m not sleepy anymore.

That summer has gone.

One cold June night, I wasn’t expecting you to come. But you were standing on our driveway. You were there braving the rains to meet me. To get to know me. To give me the chance to introduce myself to you. Just as I thought, you were shy. You partially hid behind a pillar, your face hidden by darkness. And you never left your spot. There’s a curtain of dropping water between the two of us. And there are a lot of things to talk about but I was speechless for a moment. A couple of minutes later, you walked out of our gate. I closed my eyes and felt happy. Just happy. If that’s the feeling you get when one of your dreams come true.

The rain was stronger by the time I lay on my bed. I covered my feet with my blanket and looked up on the ceiling. The rain was gently tapping on our roof and window sill. Somewhere outside, I can hear laughter and clinking of bottles. Faraway is a voice singing along a rusty videoke machine. Crickets join in the noise. For me, all I heard was a serenade. I was smiling to myself and recapping every detail of what just happened. I won’t be able to sleep for the next couple of hours. Not until the rain stopped and the night cold seeped through my window lulling me gently to sleep.

That rainy day has also gone.

It was nice meeting you even if it means I’ll never talk to you again.

 Gawd. I thought I’m done waiting but I found myself doing thIS same tiring thing again and again today. I shouldn’t even have started it again. I just couldn’t resist this kind of occasions, which people are not supposed to miss. I wouldn’t want friends to forget mine either so I swallowed my pride for the nth time and did what I vowed NOT to do four months ago. Hay nako. My fault, I know.

Anyway, I’m done with thinking too much.

What are you happy about these days? Me? Lots!

I mean, why won’t I be happy on my birthday month?! Hello, this is like the time of the year for August birthday celebrators. It’s like dreading the day you’ll turn a year older but also anticipating what’s in store for you now that you’re supposed to be getting “older” and “more mature.” I’ll have to wish on my stars that I’ll have enough moolah to go home to the province and enjoy a peaceful long weekend (because the 27th is a holiday… wee!) with the lovely grandparents and the makulit but beautiful cousin. Of course, I’ll have to celebrate the birthday here in Manila also. Huwaw!

And I’ve done lots of things which pretty much brought lots of smiles in my face. Done lots of coffee nights with the friends, read interesting books, attended an event, made lots of faces, celebrated a friend’s birthday (and eventually saw our fast-growing inaanak), watched a cute little girl and a cellphone salesman stun Simon Cowell with their voices  in Britain’s Got Talent, developed a crush on Prison Break main man Wentworth Miller (pamatay!), and just did lottsa various things. Marami pa yan pero wala na akong time mag-enumerate.

On my latest book hunt, I found a book of a young poet who dedicated almost every beautiful entry of his first book to his girlfriend. C’mon! Can someone please find me a guy who can also dedicate his beautiful prose and poetry to me? That is looooooove! (O sige na nga, kung wala na talagang lalakeng mahilig magsulat ngayon, yung magaling na lang kumanta! Hahaha!)

Question for the day:
If you were to make the biggest decision in your life, would you rather be happy but wrong or right but sad?

My answer:
HAPPY AND RIGHT.

Paano ka naman magiging masaya aber kung alam mong mali ka? At kelan pa naging tama ang bagay na hindi makakapagpasaya sa’yo?!

What do you think?

Jaja@greensalad.multiply.com

THE NEW GIRL ON THE BLOCK: So Cute!

(Just because… we have a new girl in the group! Avhey Aiyashi is Mary
Grace Marzan-Franco and Avrum Jinro Franco’s first daughter. Grace gave
birth to Avhey last June 31 (tama ba ako?). CONGRATULATIONS!)

(If you’re so late on the
news, Grace and Avrum wed last March. Of course, we’re part of the
entourage. Hahaha! ADVANCE HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GRACE! Love and miss you!)

After Dismissal.

The sky was getting less than friendly. After lunch, the blue had been filled with feathers of white. Come afternoon recess, the feathers turned into huge cottons. Parcels of the blue remained showing in between the soft layers of clouds. And now, ten minutes before dismissal, the white is turning into gray with a faster swirl of the earth.

Wish it wouldn’t rain, she thought while rummaging through her huge black shoulder bag. She felt her small, folded umbrella underneath her notebooks and books. She always brings one for moments like this. Unpredictable weather, she muttered while getting ready to stand up. Most of her classmates are already out the door when their adviser arrived for last minute announcements, which they usually hate. Because they’re usually last minute, when everyone is ready to go home. She took her seat again next to Dean, her seat mate for a month now. Obviously, he was also pissed off when he returned to his seat. She gave her a nonchalant look. He returned with a slight tipping of his head. He’s pretty much okay as a seat mate though he’ll choose one of her best friends sitting scattered on the room over him any time. She put down her jacket on the arm of her chair.

She stared at the sky for a moment before turning her gaze to their adviser who’s telling them about tomorrow’s event at the gym. They should be early. They should wear their proper uniform… Blah, blah, blah. The rest of the announcement flew out the window. She’s sure her classmates weren’t listening. They’ve just got to depend on their class president for a repeat tomorrow morning. After another twenty minutes, she’s out the door followed by one of her friends. I got to stay. Cleaners, Astrid informed her. I’ll tell the others to go ahead. I’ll wait for you, she replied. Some of them has got to stay to clean the room and the corridors. Good thing, it’s a Wednesday. She cleaned yesterday. She walked past a stream of hurrying students towards the rooms of her other friends. She calmly evaded those wrestling, running, and animatedly talking on the corridors.

Thirty minutes and gazillion of raindrops later, she, together with Astrid, was crossing the school lawn, umbrellas over their heads. The school ground was already empty by the time they reached the waiting shed outside the gates. Some students are still waiting for a jeepney to arrive. They squeezed among the small crowd gathered at the shed. Even with the sweaty bodies anxious to get home all around her, she could smell the damp earth and the sweet fragrance of the magnolias growing near the school fences. The rain was gone. It left a gentle breeze.

We should walk, she suggested when three student-filled jeepneys passed them. Astrid pouted and pointed at her new shoes. Never mind that. They’ll be waiting for you, she said with a smirk. This isn’t the most appropriate time to fuss over new shoes. Besides, school started three months ago. Nobody wears new shoes during the middle of the school year. Well, apparently, except Astrid.

They flagged two jeepneys more until one stopped. A group of younger boys let them get on first. While on the trip to their town’s center, Astrid, sitting on the opposite bench, was looking at her curiously. She stared back while struggling to keep her bag from sliding off her lap and dropping on the wet floor of the vehicle. You come with us, she said. No, I don’t have time. My bus home leaves on time. If I don’t catch it, I’ll be left behind, she replied. Astrid took out her pouch and got out coins. She paid for two. It’s just an hour. You’ll make it to the station on time, she said reassuringly. She looked sideways at schoolmates. You know how hard it is to get a seat. Astrid laughed. We’ll find you one. In front? Of course, in front.

She stared ahead and pondered.

She haven’t went home after seven pm before because she’s always been afraid the bus home will leave her. Plus the fact that she goes home alone ever since she began her schooling. By 8 o’ clock, there’s one or two buses left and usually, she doesn’t want riding in them. But one hour later, she found herself sitting in front of the last bus for the night. Her friends are sure persuasive this time. They made sure she wouldn’t miss this particular hang-out after school because they’re celebrating lots of things like Georgina having a new boyfriend, Letty having a new cellphone (the first one she ever got since the texting phenomenon), Dianne dumping her weirdo ka-fling, and Astrid getting her shopping allowance again for the nth time this month. Plus the boys’ gang closest to them are practicing for their next performance in school (as if that’s the only way they’ll become famous or something). They drank a few colas and shared chips and dips while laughing. Good thing, there’s always been a shed for them at the town plaza. Their unofficial tambayan.

By the time they got to the mini terminal at the back of the town’s largest grocery store, there’s "Maria Cassandra Leonora" alone on the spot. (Yes, she acknowledged long before that bus line owners sure love displaying their children’s names on their buses. Names are painted in red, bold letters in front and on the side of the buses. They’re even painted inside, just below the mini colored overhead lights in between seats. Urgh.) Her friends waved goodbye the moment she secured her seat on the front row beside a dozing off student still in her uniform just like hers and behind the driver who’s busy looking at his wristwatch. At least her friends’ houses are just a few minutes away from the town plaza. Not like hers which is 45 minutes farther. She sighed. She’s sure her mother is wondering where she was and just thinking of the dinner waiting for her made her a little guilty. Just a little because she’s only going home late for the first time since school started. While waiting for some passengers to fill in the half-empty bus, she found her cellphone (a Nokia 3210) and started re-reading messages for the day just in case she missed something.

After a while, she felt something strange yet vaguely familiar. A memory suddenly flashed on her mind but she can’t think about it clearly especially not now when she feels all out of breath. She felt someone. Him. And her mind’s racing like crazy. But it was gone in a minute. What the? She knew it was him or maybe, she was just inclined to think it was him, that someone whom she has been wishing for all this time. She’s used seeing him on their street and she’s sure she’ll recognize him anywhere. But then again maybe, she’s just imagining things, believing that there’s someone going home with her. She’s just hoping that today, someone will walk her home. She looked up and sighed. Seems like that guy wearing a baseball cap, head lowered who just climbed up the bus and walked slowly to the back was the last passenger of this bus for the day. She resumed texting. One second later, she stopped and stared ahead while the bus was easing its way out of the terminal. Was that you?

She vowed never to take this rainy late night trip again. Not even when friends persuade her to celebrate something after school hours. Not even with the thought that someone might be riding this trip with her and eventually shout ‘para!‘ from the back when their stop come, let her get out first, catch up with her long strides halfway through the 500-meter beaten path on their neighborhood and walk home side by side with her.

That last thought will just be mind-numbing, heart-thumping. When it happens.

It started drizzling again outside. She embraced herself and cursed softly. Where’s my fucking jacket?