Almost Grasped, But Not Quite

Sorry, I just want to let this out… Pagbigyan n’yo na ang ang panibagong pagrarant na ito.

[Maldita Mode - ON]

I’m not even gonna lie about how I feel right now.

One
afternoon, one of my friends announced something I can barely grasp (or
really hate grasping). After reading her text message, I read it again
a couple more times to just check if I can still understand.The first
thing in my mind, "Am I a good friend?" (This kind of self-doubt is dangerous!) Seems like these days, no one’s
asking for pieces of advice anymore. They just do their own thing and
tell you when they’ve already made up their minds and their plans.
That’s it. They just expect you to handle the whole thing calmly and
understand their MAJOR decisions in life as if you’ve never been a part
of them in the first place. Tipong, "Nasabi ko lang kasi dapat mong
malaman. Friend kasi kita. I think."

It’s not their decisions
that I don’t understand. It’s the fact that they lose me on the process
of coming up with that decision and they expect me to understand
everything asap. Just wait a minute! It’s not as if they’re just buying
a shoe or deciding where to eat. They just don’t get it do they? I’m
happy for them basta happy din sila. So can they please do me a favor
of not surprising (more of shocking) me with these kinds of grand plans
without even explaining to me how the hell did that happen!!!

Okay, enough of this ranting.

[Maldita Mode - OFF]

Breathing normally now.

Spitter-Spatter.

The rain is coming down in torrents and she hates it when she can’t go out and play. And even if the rain stops, she still has to wait for a couple of hours for the lovely carabao grasses to dry. By then, the sun, if it’s still willing to show up, would have began its descent on the horizon. Oh, how she hates raining!

This morning is no different. She was already dressed for school and the her grandfather’s radio kept on blaring at the sala. There’s no storm, says the reporter. Her grandfather grumbled. “Who’s that weather dimwit? There’s no storm but it’s raining hard.” She can understand the sentiment. He had to walk with her to the side of the road, 100 meters away from their home, and wait with her for a passing bus to school. He’d have to hold her bag and umbrella at the same time. Surely, he’d get wet.  Her grandpa is no weakling but he gets sick easily nowadays. It just started when the rainy days came.

The hard rain turned into trickles after several minutes. There’s no storm signal raised after all. The two of them trudged the muddy road. Even though she has a raincoat on, she insisted on opening her own small, pink umbrella so that she can hop on some rocks hoping to prevent her socks from getting dirty.  “Be careful, you might slip.” Now, she didn’t think of that. She stopped hopping like a little green grasshopper on a dewy morning. It would have been messier if she loses her balance and lands on her bottom on a mud puddle.

They reached the highway at last. They rested on the old waiting shed by the road. The roof is a little bit rusty, the bamboo benches are a little bit wet from the wind carrying the rain, and the cemented floor is slippery.  They stood there waiting. The street is a little bit foggy and the houses nearby are dimly-lit.

Several minutes went by and still no sign of a bus. She’s running late for school. She needs another 30 minutes to reach the next town and another 15 to the town after. Then another five minutes to scramble to her classroom where she’s sure everyone’s getting ready for flag ceremony (which she assumes they’ll be having in class since it’s raining). She looked up at her grandfather. “Don’t worry, it will come along,” he says reassuringly. And she prayed hard that his remark will come true. She hates being late to class. Her moronic boy classmates will make fun of her.

After a while, the rain got stronger again. She’s losing patience. And when she was about ready to throw a tantrum, a faded gray van stopped in front of the shed. She eyed it with raised eyebrows and a pout. She saw her grandfather’s arm shot up on the air acknowledging their would-be savior’s presence. The window of the driver’s seat slowly came down. A man’s friendly face beamed at them. “Hop in! You’ll be late for school if you’d still wait for a bus,” he said smiling. Then a woman, sitted at the passenger seat leaned towards the man’s window. “C’mon now. We’ll get them to school safely, ‘tang,” she said acknowledging her grandpa. Her grandfather beamed more and looked at her as if saying, “Go on now.” She shook her head like crazy. Just as she was arguing with her grandfather, the door at the side of the van opened.
She’s got no problem with the man and woman in front of the van. Her family is friends with them. But this boy, their son,sitted inside was her worst enemy in school. And he’s now holding the van’s door and snickering proudly at her. She wanted to beat the hell out of him (although she’s still deciding how).

They were just grade two then.

Oh, how she hates the rainy days!

And she’s beginning to hate boys.

Who’ll turn into men later on.

Probably.

The Longest Text I Received Ever.

Would you believe that I received this rather long "article" as a text
message? Imagine how many letters were lost in each word to cramp
this in two text messages.

HOW DO YOU KNOW IT’S LOVE?
When
that person is the last one you think of before sleeping and the first
person to enter your mind the moment you wake up. On one weird reason,
you just find yourself smiling at the thought of that person. When
nothing turns you off despite him or her not reaching your
requirements. That person never exits your mind. You worry to death if
you can’t hear anything from him or her. You feel complete when you’re
with the person and feels empty without having even a glance of him or
her. You always look forward to the next time you’ll be together even
if you’re still with that person at the very moment. You try to look
good all the time but still feels comfortable in your not best suit as
long as you know that the person is looking at you. You’ll never do
anything that would hurt that person, not even the thought of it.
Fidelity is always present, even if that person is absent. You always
have time for that person in spite your thickest schedule. You forgot
all the hazards of the day with mere hearing his or her voice. When you
hold the person’s hand, you never want to release it. You feel like
losing yourself at the thought of losing him or her. You could step at
your own ego for that person’s sake. Never hesitate nor get tired of
saying "I Love You" countless of times and still meaning every point of
it. You could do the craziest things for that person without having two
thoughts. When you hug that person, you know he or she will be the last
person you’ll hug that way. You always pray and imagine of waking up
seeing that person beside you and end up hugging your pillow instead.
You plan your future with him or her and imagine how you’ll like
growing old together. When you look at the person’s eyes, you’ll be
looking at for the rest of your life.

Ang bottomline ng lahat lahat nang yan?
HAVE YOU SEEN THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFETIME?

Ang
masasabi ko lang, sa hinaba-haba ng listahan na yan ng mga requirements
at signs, parang lalo nang ayoko maghintay o maghanap. Kakapagod naman
yan. Hahaha!

Just kidding! Baka pagbabatuhin ako ng mga lovestruck peeps out there and scold me, "Pucha, Ja! Hindi mo pa nararanasan yan kaya ganyan ka magsalita!" Okay, okay people, I get the drift. I know for a fact that, you’ll really feel all of the above when you’re in love. Okay, fine! Satisfied? Hahaha!

Ang point ko lang naman dito eh… paano ba talaga nagkasya yang "article" na yan sa text message? At bakit ko ba naisipang i-save at i-type yan dito?! Ang haba talaga eh! (Mayer, kasalanan mo ‘to eh. Kaw kaya nag-send n’yan sakin! Hus! Porke’t naka-unlimited!… At porke’t applicable sa’yo! Hahaha!)

—————————–

Big Girls Don’t Cry. (Coz We’re Fighters!)

Somehow, I found myself humming to Fergie’s latest single to hit the charts:

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
Myself and I… we got some straightening out to do
And I’m gonna miss you like a child misses her blanket
But I’ve got to get a move on with my life
It’s time to be a big girl now
And BIG GIRLS DON’T CRY.

And also Christina Aguilera’s new version of What a Girl Wants (in
keeping with her new old image). Loved her to pieces when I saw her perform
at the Bonifacio Open Field in Taguig.

Keep on singing, guys! Though tone it down a bit. The July rains are already pouring in.

Jaja@greensalad.multiply.com

Fourth of July.

Chances and choices didn’t make it long enough to celebrate an anniversary.

On this day last year, one of my wishes came true. God heard one of my prayers and He gave me what I wanted. Though not specifically that, I knew it was the answer to my prayers. But I failed keeping my promises. I failed miserably. I thought I’m ready to give it a try, to give it a chance, to give it my all… but I couldn’t. I didn’t. And yeah, I wasted that dream come true. Why can’t I freakin’ take a risk?! Until now, I’m wondering if I made the right decision to let it go. I felt I didn’t treat the situation right. Someday, I have to face the consequences of what I did. No, I’m not dreading the confrontation day. I think I’m ready to face the dream that I let go of once it stares me in the face someday and show me what I missed. I just wish I can look it in the eye and say, "I didn’t miss anything."

As Clear as the Pasig River.

One month ago, I thought I already knew what I want with my life. I have this mission and vision. Everything seems to be so clear. I can see the road and I know where I am going. And I’m proud to have the confidence to pursue what I wanted. And then suddenly, I don’t know what to do again. Seems like what I wanted to do before is not what I want to do now. The confidence and surety turned into confusion. And all’s crazy as hell again. What happened? I don’t know. I hate hearing myself saying "I don’t know" because it just goes to show how much I haven’t changed since the past years. I’m still the confused kid from way back who just goes with the flow. And I hate going with with the flow because I’m supposed to take the rein of my life. I’m supposed to be in-charge here. Where’s the pursue happiness thing I’ve been advising my friends?

I’m really my worst follower.

HAPPY THOUGHTS, GIRLS!
(Wag akong gayahin! Haha!)

greensalad.multiply.com