Almost Grasped, But Not Quite


TEARS
April 13, 2007, 5:42 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I still think I need to vent on someone or something the anger that’s
been making my head hurt like hell. I told you so,
that "letting go"
crap is just that. Plain crap.
I’ve established the fact that I am a
loser when it comes to moving on. I don’t move on. I don’t let wounds
heal.
I scratch and scathe them some more to cause me additional pain.
Just so I have an excuse to cry.

Why do I want to cry?

This
world has taught us that it’s not a bad thing to cry. It’s normal. And
although there’s some metaphor somewhere that sees crying as a strength
rather than a weakness, crying still connotes vulnerability. We become
prone to further criticism and depression. Besides, crying is a good
excuse to make people care.
Sometimes, we cry just to make them look at
us for a while, linger on our teardrops and ask us, "Okay ka lang?"

But
since I’d rather cry alone than bawl and howl in front of people, I am
accustomed to think that I just cry because I want to let it all out.
Whatever I’m feeling. (Damn emotional triggers!) I just want to remove
it from my chest even though whatever it is won’t go away that easily.
Crying is just a relief. And even though temporary, I’ll settle for any
kind or way of relief when it’s too much painful already. Won’t you?

Crying
helps.
With every tear that falls from our eyes, minerals and hormones
related to stress and depression are also flushed out from our system.
I like the thought of that. Somehow, crying really balances our
condition after a great emotional moment.
It makes you feel good after.

But of course, it couldn’t take everything away.
Of course, it wouldn’t. Especially when you’re like me. You just won’t let go.

———————————————————

(not related)
I
know I’m not much of an efficient blogger. I know some professional
bloggers have this specific rule: be concise. Most of their entries are
brief and direct to the point. I know how to write that way too only to
prove that yes, I graduated from Journalism in college. But, the heck!

Blogging is personal.
And personally, I’m such a talkative biatch. So
naturally, I am also madaldal in my entries.

Writing short entries is so not me. That’s why you’re reading this rather long (pero  maikli pa sa’kin yan) entry.

So bear it.



PHOTO: Sea
April 10, 2007, 3:47 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Sea_sand_me
HOLY WEEK REFLECTION: Let Go

(Just because… I’m ready to let go now. For real. I don’t want to hate you forever so to prevent that, let me just forget that I met you again.)



LISTEN
April 9, 2007, 8:27 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Is it insanity to look for and want a faithful guy these days? I can’t
even phrase the words to describe how much I loathe guys who use other
girls to satisfy their cravings for "companionship." Insecure assholes!

I can’t believe I’m beginning Easter with so much angst in my mind. The
rants are screaming to come out badly… just when I asked for
forgiveness from the Almighty during Lent. But I’m trying real hard to
suppress the anger and the hatred. (The
bad effect of what I’m trying to do is that someday, I know I’ll
explode. And since it will be my first time to "explode", I don’t know
what will happen when that time comes.)

You know, all I ever wanted is someone who will

LISTEN.