Almost Grasped, But Not Quite

Kung mas mahaba pa ang pwedeng ilagay sa profile ko, I will write this as a way to describe myself:

Antipatika, suplada at mataray talaga ako pero hindi nangangahulugang
matapang ako sa lahat ng bagay sa kahit na anong oras. Isa akong
babaeng madrama deep inside. Walang pakundangang mag-isip, magsalita,
at magsulat. Ako ang tipo ng taong ganito mag-isip at magsulat:

I
don’t have the right to negate the aged quote "Absence makes the heart
grow fonder" because I do believe in it. When the person is away, you
miss him or her. No doubt about that. But what if he/she has been away
for so long that you’re used to the absence already? You don’t feel the
emptiness anymore because somehow, the emptiness is what’s normal. It’s
what you feel everyday. It’s what keeping you moving, doing tasks which
fill the incomplete. Absence makes the heart empty… for a moment. And
then the heart begins to fill up again though it will never be filled
to the brim. Not until you see him/her again. Just like the first time.

There
are really wounds that never heal. The worst part is that they don’t
only leave scars, they leave pain. Somehow, even though you’ve
convinced yourself you’ve already moved on, once you saw the
person/thing that hurt you, you realize that you haven’t moved on…
you just ran away.

If someone asks you: Why are you running
away?, what will your answer be? My answer would have to be another
question: Have you ever felt that feeling that you just want to breathe
for a moment and it just so happens that that moment only comes after
you run a long mile away from where you started?

If there’s a
love fulfilled, you should know that there will also be a love
unfulfilled. So while there are people starting to live their lives
together, there are also people starting to mend their broken hearts.
Behind every two people who end up with each other, there’s someone
out there who ends up with no one.

You can’t ask a person to
move on. Especially when you’re the one who caused her to sit still and
cry. You can’t ask a person to move on because when she does easily,
you’ll find yourself asking, "did she really love me?" You can’t ask a
person to move on when you’ll linger around.

It’s so hard for a
person who hasn’t been in love to know if she’s already in love. What
if she’s just in love with the idea of love? Remind self: I will not
talk myself into being heads over heels in love with a guy if I’m not
really heads over heels in love with him!

"I’m sorry" is never
enough. It will never compensate for the things you’ve done and said.
You changed the person forever once you hurt her. No number of I’m
sorrys can bring back the before. I’m sorry is made for the person who
committed the sin.  It’s there to make the sin bearable for the sinner.

Have you ever felt that you haven’t
written anything sensible after you read what you wrote even though you
felt everything makes perfect sense while writing it?

Eto na yun. Ganito akong tao.

Now, did I make sense?

(Inspired by the post below.)

I am not a Grey’s Anatomy fan. I don’t know its time slot and I don’t
look forward in watching it. But I watch it once in a while when I
chance upon it on my channel surfing hours. I’m more of a House, M.D.
fan. That’s something I look forward to on AXN every Mondays, 10 o’
clock pm. Sharp. And I am saddened that the new season is still not
showing on the darn cable station. Nope, I don’t want to read the
episodes on the Net. Knowing from reading spoilers is not as good (and
satisfying) as knowing from watching.

Let’s not talk about House
this time. Going back to Grey’s Anatomy… Though I don’t watch it
episode per episode, I like the ongoing thoughts on Meredith’s mind.
That’s the long lines she usually says at the end of the show. They’re
honest. Not as brutally honest as Dr. Gregory House’s but still,
they’re real.

I compiled here the ones which I totally heart.

People
have scars, in all sorts of unexpected places, like secret maps of
their personal history, diagram of all their old wounds. Most of our
old wounds heal, leaving us nothing behind but a scar, but some of them
don’t. Some wounds, we carry with us every where, and though the cuts
are long gone, the pain still lingers. What’s worse? New wound which
are so horribly more painful or old wounds that should have healed
years ago and never did? Maybe our old wound teaches us something. They
remind us of what we have been and what we have overcome. They teach us
lessons about what to avoid in the future…..That’s what we like to
think,but that’s not the way it is, is it? Somethings we just have to
learn, over and over and over again…

At some point, you have
to make a decision. Boundaries don’t keep other people out. They fence
you in. Life is messy. That’s how we’re made. So, you can waste your
lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there
are some lines… that are way too dangerous to cross.

…That
knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping,
and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of
never trying.

At the end of the day, there are some things you
just can’t help but talk about. Some things we just don’t want to hear,
and some things we say because we can’t be silent any longer. Some
things are more than what you say, they’re what you do. Some things you
say cause there’s no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself.
And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for
themselves.

ALL GROWN UP: The Fragments

(Just because… this picture from Grace’s and Avrum’s wedding last March 10 depicts what we look like before and nine years after. Some things have changed but Donna, Janelle, Mary Grace, Catherine, Camille, and Florence will always be friends. Click here for more photos from the wedding.)

My college friends and I are crazy. (That’s an understatement.)

We came up with a book in college. Hindi naman sya pormal-pormalan na
libro. Isa s’yang kalokohan na hango sa real-life. O kamusta naman ang
description na yan?! Haha! And it was called Silence: Sayings, Signs, and Segue Ways.

Ito ay isang compilation ng mga phrases, sentences, at kahit nga paragraphs na nabanggit nang kung sinu-sino (mapa-classmate, professor, kami-kami, o estrangherong walang kamalay-malay) na nakapukaw ng aming interes. Ang mga hindi malilimutang linyang mga ito ang nakalagay sa Silence.
Pati na rin mga walang kabuluhang tanong na nais lang naman naming
itanong. Kung may sumagot, okay lang. Kung wala, mas okay lang din
(kasi rhetorical naman talaga yung questions namin dun).

So you see, madaldal kami in real life. At naging medium ang maliliit
na notebooks para masabi namin ang gusto naming sabihin sa isa’t isa
during class hours nang hindi napapagalitan ng propesor. Anyway, Silence: Sayings, Signs, and Segue Ways is now tucked under some other books in my closet.

Pero hindi natatapos d’yan ang mga kalokohan. When we graduated, we thought of coming up with another book. Confusion
naman ito this time. Dahil nasa real world na kami, mas wide na ang
range ng mga linya at tanong. Mas marami at mas nakakagago. But then,
wala na kaming time mag-publish (sosyal!) pa nito.

That is why, we came up with…
DIET QUOTE

dietquote.wordpress.com

Ito ang bagong tahanan ng mga linya at tanong ng kung sinu-sino sa buhay. Go and visit it. Read about the site on About DietQuote and read about us on

Your KaQuotes.

Malay mo, ikaw na pala ang na-quote namin!

The Galera Barkada: Starting summer early.

(Just because … this is the only photo in our Galera pics that I found the six of us complete.)

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I decided to finally post a pic here in my Friendster blog. Bakit nga
ba hindi before? Well, I was keeping CUPOFJAVA clean and sleek without
the hassles of pictures in between paragraphs. Keeps the eyes glued to
the text. But then again, it must be better if I place one or two pics,
without that much text. Maiba naman.
The photo will be what I think is the best or the most meaningful or
the funniest, etc. among the hundreds of photos I took on a trip/event.
The reason why I chose the photo is on the "Just Because" text at the bottom. Syempre, opinyon ko lang naman yun. My friends can actually say otherwise.

I’ll provide a link on the photo. Click it and you’ll be transported
directed to wherever the story behind the photo is. So there.