BLOOMING
I went home (La Union) last Thursday… Not to have a real vacation
though coz I felt I really don’t need one at this month. Besides sabi
nga ng mga iba dyan, "wala naman daw akong ginagawa" (well at least
hindi busy-busyhan tulad nila… kiber!).
Kung April at May na siguro… when everything and everyone spells
SUMMER as F-U-N or B-E-A-C-H, that’s when I’ll ache a break.
Anyway, I went home to give a
career talk at my old
high school. That’s a new, weird, and nostalgic experience. Nakakatuwa
and nakakatawa. I just hope those HS graduating students learned a lot
from me and my unending kuwentos.
Speaking of high school…
I
met up with Grace and I still can’t believe she’s getting married! I
kindda avoided the teary meet-up though even though I wanted to cry.
Shit, one of my high school friends is getting married! Imagine that! I
mean, that’s not really new coz I have so many HS batch mates who
already tied the knot but this is one of my bestest friends ever…
since grade one! I can’t get her wedding out of my head now, especially
since that’ll be two weeks from now. I just wish I was hands-on on her
wedding. But since we’re in different parts of the Philippines Luzon
and it’s kind of a rush, that’s nearly an impossible feat. Maybe bawi
na lang ako sa wedding nina Cath, Donna, Mae, and Flo (if ever they get
married soon, that is).
Realization: I also want to get married… if only for the pictures. Hahaha!
Grace
and I were browsing a wedding magazine and I was so impressed with the
wedding pictures that yeah, maybe I’ll get married because I want to
choose and go OC on my wedding’s details and of course, for the
photographs! Para dun lang. Ang babaw noh? Haha!
Grabe, bilis ng panahon. O baka naman ang tao ang mabilis (at nagpupumilit bilisan ang oras)?
All A Bloom
Cath
and I attended the Panagbenga 2007 Flower Float Parade last Sunday. In
fairness, ang saya. And sobrang blooming lahat. Literally and not.
Everything is filled with colors. It’s not that cold but the sunny
weather proved to be a great backdrop for the flower floats.
See
my PHOTOS. They’re not
enough to capture the whole festive atmosphere but I hope you find a
reason to go to Baguio on February 2008 to see Panagbenga for yourself.
Funny,
it was my first time to attend the event when I’ve lived all my 15
years of life in La Union, an hour and a half away from Baguio. O diba,
ansaya?
To Ms. Alona and Ms. Irish (and Sir Allan)… thanks
very much for accommodating us (lalo na ako na saling pusa lang sa
inyong barkadahan, hehe). Now I know why it was so difficult for Cath
to leave Baguio and work here in Manila before… she left really great
friends behind. I’m glad you’re still there for her (especially on
times I couldn’t)…Thanks po ulet.
Sa uulitin!
Since everything’s all blooming and getting ready for summer,
why don’t you?
LOVE
“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I HATE LOVE."
I simply love Gaiman.
HEARTS
The HEART Brings You Back
<p>
I am inclined to say, "It’s Valentine’s again… so what?!" but I wouldn’t. Valentine’s doesn’t mean that much to me compared to lovers outthere so I’m giving them the joy of knowing that somewhere out here, there’s a cynical entity who also believes in Heart’s Day.
<p>
Though it’s a whole different perspective for me. I won’t go on through a discourse on what love is for me now. It won’t change the world. And I know it won’t change your view either. One of the hardest actions to do in life is to convince someone to see it your way. Right now, I’m not up for that task so see it your way - whether with rose-colored vision or in night mode. Think, feel whatever.
<p>
The bottomline: When Valentine’s Day comes, the Heart is all that matters.
<p>
——————————————————————–
<p>
The Wind That Blew A HEART Away
<p>
I’m having an LSS with the song, "Wind Beneath My Wings." And I nearly said yes to Candice’s craving for videoke last week just to belt out this song… if not for another meet-up I scheduled earlier. I remember singing this song when we were in Sagada. (So imagine how long was I suffering from this LSS diba!)
<p>
During our last night at the faraway, cold place, the owners of the house we stayed in lent us their Magic Sing. Er, if they only knew how bad that move was. Haha! Anyway, it was the only song I completed (and probably sang, except for "This Time I’ll Be Sweeter," which Anj started). Wind Beneath My Wings is one of the oldest but most popular songs ever. Whether for friendship or love or both, it surely tells a lot.
<p>
There’s also one song which took our attention when we were in the mountains. This song evokes a lot of feeling. It can mean anything to anyone. It’s a good song. And the singer gave justice to the song. The way she sang the song… luv it! Reminds me of one word: NOSTALGIA.
<p>
And this one, it’s dedicated to Candice. She probably has this on top of her "Most Favorite Songs of All Time." She’ll probably sing this… if it’s in the videoke. Or she can always sing this on her own. Haha.
<p>
If you wait for me then Ill come for you
Although Ive traveled far
I always hold a place for you in my heart
If you think of me, if you miss me once in awhile
Then Ill return to you
Ill return and fill that space in your heart
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
Ill find my way back to you
If youll be waiting
If you dream of me like I dream of you
In a place thats warm and dark
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
Ill find my way back to you
If youll be waiting
Ive longed for you and I have desired
To see your face your smile
To be with you wherever you are
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
Ill find my way back to you
Please say youll be waiting
Together again
It would feel so good to be
In your arms
Where all my journeys end
If you can make a promise if its one that you can keep,
I vow to come for you
If you wait for me and say you’ll hold
A place for me in your heart.
- The Promise, Tracy Chapman
———————————————————–
<p>
A HEART Running to Stay Still
<p>
"Well, I don’t think you’re leaving. I think you’re running. And what I can’t figure out is, are you running towards something you want? Or are you running away from something you’re afraid to want?"
<p>
Nice question. Who cares to answer?
———————————————————-
<p>
HAPPY HEARTS’ DAY!!!
CLUTTER
Making a choice is never easy. Especially when it involves people. Sometimes, decisions on food, furniture, clothes, bags, and shoes can also be very confusing but all you need to consider when choosing between black and white, sleeveless or halter, flats or with heels, is yourself. But when there are other people involved, that’s where the sleepless nights and stressful hours start.
<p>
I hate it. I totally hate this kind of decision-making. It’s so "unnecessary stress."
<p>
I’ve been thinking about too much things lately. I often catch myself being suddenly seized by a thought and my mind just fall into oblivion. A black blank. And I wake up without a realization at all and then I feel empty. As if nothing has happened in my life. And then I start cursing myself for thinking that way and being pessimistic again when on the top of my resolution list this 2007 is to be OPTIMISTIC.
<p>
A friend sent me a message that when read normally has a hurtful and destructive meaning but when read from the last word to the first, it becomes an entirely different (positive) message. So, I thought, being nega (sometimes) is good for the mind. It’s a different way of thinking. So feeling bad sometimes is just okay too.
<p>
Sometimes, you just have to negate a thing for it to become positive.
<p>
Yeah, right.
<p>
Sometimes, it’s also hard convincing yourself that you’ve made the right decision. Especially when everyone around you is saying otherwise.
<p>
————————————————-
<p>
As an effect of this blankness, I noticed I’m such a klutz for the past few days. I keep on spilling things and forgetting stuff. I spilt soy sauce at the office table, dropped a grilled fish (thankfully on the table too), scattered coins all over Yellow Cab Greenbelt (kakahiya, mabuti na lang sina Sam lang ang tao… oh, and the waiters, too), nearly slipped on a pavement (dammit I didn’t know it would rain), been interchanging my letters when I type (so, if there’s a typo in here, that’s it) etc. etc.
<p>
I am at lost. And lousy. And confused.
<p>
And here comes a decision-making moment. Pure torture.
Just when I was at my lazy mood - my mind refuses to cooperate with me and my heart is not near anywhere I’m going and doing.
Aaargh!
<p>
And empty.
<p>
——————————————————
<p>
And sort of angry. I am getting impatient with Canon. They still haven’t returned my damn camera. Shitness! Sa Pluto ba kukunin ang optical lens na yan?! It’s been a month now since I sent my camera for repair. Pinaasa lang nila akong maibabalik nila yon in 3-4 weeks! Sayang naman yung mga moments sa events na pinupuntahan ko. I failed to capture ‘em all. (Sob!) Worse is that I read somewhere that a similar thing happened with someone and they told her the part is still being imported from Singapore and then after several weeks, they told her the part is already phased out! Hindi ko iisiping magagawa nila sakin yun so ang iisipin ko na lang ay…
<p>
HAPPY THOUGHTS! HAPPY THOUGHTS! HAPPY THOUGHTS!
SLIVER
A few paragraphs from the novel (yeah, right) I’m writing. It’ll probably take me years to finish this thing but I was just inspired to use my right brain again. Haha! Nah, I just found the perfect setting and the perfect characters… Now, for that perfect ending… hmn?! That has always been a problem with me. (I’m a sucker for happy endings but I can’t write my ‘live happily ever after’ endings!)
<p>
Anyway, here’s an excerpt from my draft. Friends, (esp. Candice), read at your own risk.
<p>
Layers of shawl feel useless against the cold dawn. It’s only 6 o’clock in the morning but it seems like night is yet to sleep. Outside the bus’ window, the surrounding is dark and the only light inside comes from the faint glow of the old, flickering bulb hanging from the dusty off-white ceiling of the beaten GL trans. She tried sleeping but every time she seems to be reaching slumber, she’s jolted awake by the swerving and the swaying. She leaned her head on her huge bag and forced her eyes shut closing off everything else. As the minute goes, she’s finding it harder and harder to stay put. Sigh, it’s gonna be a long, long journey.
<p>
[there's some paragraphs here pa, which obviously I'm not willing to share yet]
<p>
She was jolted awake by the soft grumbling of the bus’ motors. They’re currently trudging the rugged, uncemented road now. The sun has slowly risen and it gives a faint sunny glow on her face. She remembered how they loved the sun in the mountains. Somehow, it makes them glowing and more beautiful. The bus is high above the range now. The deep ravines are scary but the layers of clouds resembling her illusion of heaven are relaxing. Her photojourn instinct is rising but she’s seen enough photos of this place to even bother bringing out her digital camera. She’s here to just enjoy the view. Besides, no photograph can ever give justice to the magnificence that lies outside her window.
<p>
The first time they traveled to the mountains was five years ago. They planned on a whim. Typical of her friends to think of something and schedule it a week after as if they have all the time in the world. That’s weird coz at 22, they were just starting with their chosen careers but they already had the guts to use their vacation leave. That’s what she like about her friends – spontaneous but sensible. And so off to the mountains they went. What they didn’t expect was the long, tiring journey. Most of them lived in the city for so long that sitting through 12 hours of travel was agonizing enough. Little did they know, they’re off to far, far, far away land. Upon setting foot on the place, they realize why 12 long hours of travel is so worth it. It was love at first. They’ve been smitten with Sagada ever since. Especially her.
<p>
[And the real story begins here...]
<p>
This is just the introduction chapter. Actually, I have no idea where these paragraphs will soon be. Maybe in between many other paragraphs or right there on the opening or maybe near the ending. Oh well, that’s how I write. Slivers. Snippets. Parts. And then I combine them to create a whole.
<p>
It’s open for comments and suggestions. Really.
