Almost Grasped, But Not Quite

New year. 2007.

I know I have a lot of things to write but somehow, I don’t know where to begin.

Should I begin telling you about the recent Sagada trip that we made? Yes, Sagada, the second time around. I think we’ll never get tired of that place eventhough what we did there literally took all our breath away. But if I tell you about our Sagada trip without me uploading the pics, that seems boring. So I’ll tell you about our Sagada (II) adventure maybe a week from now.

Should I write about the year that was? My Best and Worst of 2006 moments? Hmn, I think I need another entry for that. So many things had happened. Happy, sad, bitter, sorrowful, wonderful… Just like every year, there are moments to forget but there are also moments to remember. I’ll remember the good things on my next posts.

Should I list my resolutions for 2007? Before, I don’t believe in new year’s resolution. Why bother writing when I know I’ll eventually forget about them anyway? But things have changed. I see writing my future plans as an inspiration now. I think this list will need another entry.

Should I tell you how I spent my Christmas and New Year celebration? Hmn, I think I can hear someone say, "Care ko sa pasko at bagong taon mo?!" Then, when I had the chance to write it, don’t read it.

So what should I write about?
Hmn, eto na lang muna. Para rin ‘tong scratch. One paper where you put your ideas in any matter you want and any handwriting you have. It’s where I usually start.

From here… I’ll move on.

Sometimes, no make that most of the time, I get what’s on my mind.
Like for instance, I ask for a sign. Any random sign at any random moment at any random place. And suddenly, I see the sign (kanta ba ‘toh?!). Out of nowhere. Unexpectedly. Or when I win something. Out of the many names on the raffle bowl, my name gets picked. On a random draw for a prize I’m not really dying to win but I’m thinking of winning.

MIND OVER MATTER.

I believe in the power of the mind and the power of the heart. And most importantly, the power of God. When you want it so bad and God can see it that you want it THAT bad, He eventually gives it. Maybe not now. But on a random moment when you least expect it.

———————————————————–

My oracle has been giving me quite relevant insights. (Nope, don’t think I’m into astrology. I just go to the Web Oracle once in a while for fun.) Read what it freakin’ said to me:

ACCEPT WHAT THE UNIVERSE GIVES.
The Universe will bring you all that you desire, but you must be able to accept what it brings. Many of us limit what we can receive because we feel unworthy, or we think that to receive so much would be selfish. Neither is true in the eyes of the Universe, which will bring you as much as you allow.

Is this site a mind reader or what! I was freaked out when it gave me this reading because it fuckin’ applies directly to me! No, I won’t elaborate. I’m sure the oracle will give this message to another, and another but I don’t care. Of all the messages stored on its database, why give this pa to ME! I’m still totally freaked out. Argh!

And then, it gave me a contradicting advice on LOVELIFE (eew, lovelife?!).
STICK TO IT. LET GO.
Though paradoxical, it made sense. Perfectly.

Stick to it! Determination is a wonderful trait when it’s time to work through relationship woes. Keep an open mind and be patient. Like a good detective, stick to the facts, and anchor back to them when times get rough. Neither rose colored glasses or blinders will serve you well.

Let go. That’s our motto for the day. Of what? You know the answer to that question…baggage, judgment, negative thoughts, bad juju? All of the above? Whatever it is, it’s weighing you down like a ton of bricks. You’ll only be lighthearted and ready for true love once you cut your losses and head toward the light on the horizon.

Freaky, freaky.

—————————————————-

Hey, 5 days to go before Christmas! Yey!

It’s December already but I can’t feel the cool weather that comes with celebrating Christmas. I’m not grateful that storm Seniang passed through the country (esp. after storm Reming) but somehow, it brought the cold in the supposedly long, cold nights of December.

For some of my friends, it is indeed a cool (off) season with another bout of breakups and heartaches. I should have said ‘it’s a dejavu’ but I just remembered the breakup I was thinking about (which happened eons ago) was a New Year blast.

No, I’m not breathing bitchiness and spewing sarcasm this time. That’s contrary to my mean self which should have been reacting something like, "You losers! What the f***! Why are you hurting my friends?! What freakin’ rights do you have?!" No, I did not just say that. Anyway, I’m just… well, keeping silent. Hate hearing myself cursing their (ex) boyfriends to death. One thing though: You guys, it’s actually your loss. Imagine letting go of these wonderful women. Hello?! Hmpf! Yun lang. Hahaha!

———————————-
While rummaging through scattered papers and piles of books, I read this unsent letter on one of the pages. Here’s an excerpt:

Sometimes, I’m tired / Othertimes, I’d rather pass everyday not thinking of you that much / Maybe not thinking about you can ease the pain / And sometimes, I think I’m back to my normal self / I can’t deny the fact that when you came into my life again, you changed  something in me / If this is for the better or the worse, I don’t know / I can’t even tell / You tell me / Oh, but you can’t.

I’ll probably laugh this off again next time I feel like laughing / This has become a habit / I’m really worried I may not get you out of my system once I need to already / So sad…

Sad indeed.

What the f***?!

—————————————
After the Starbucks challenge, I’m challenging myself to a
NINE MORNINGS challenge.

I’ve never completed the simbang gabi. Actually, I’m not fond of attending the simbang gabi especially during those years I was still in school. Can’t get up earlier than 5:30 in the morning to attend mass. Hirap na nga akong gumising ng 5:30am to attend school, yun pa kayang before 4am!

So, this year, I’m challenging myself to attend the nine mornings of December 2006. Bahket?! Of course I have wishes pero more than that, I really want to. Ang totoo, feeling ko, sobrang persona non grata ko sa Diyos this year. He gave me everything that I wanted. (Even something/one?! which I thought He’ll never ever give me na.) Kahit nga yung hindi ko pa hiniling, ibinigay na rin n’ya. Pero ako? Laging walang time para sa kanya. Kaya naman, I want to give something back. And yung something na yun is TIME.

I’ll tell you what will happen come December 16. Haha! I was hoping it will be easier for me since my work starts at 9:30am so after the mass, I will just eat putobumbong (to complete the Simbang Gabi experience) and then go back to sleep for an hour or so before preparing for work. Hmn, let’s see. Or baka naman may mass ng gabi talaga like 8:00pm perhaps? Hehehe…

I am energetically fatigued. I need solitude. Ha-ha-ha.

Julls posted an oracle site wherein she received the message of "letting go." Since I’m also in a sort of confused stage right now, I decided to try the oracle too. And here’s what it told me:

Seek  Solitude: Transitioning from five-sensory to six-sensory awareness can be very  taxing to your nervous system. After all, you’re beginning to consciously absorb  and process a lot more energy and information than you’re accustomed to, and you  need to build up your psychic muscles to adjust to this higher level of  awareness. In the process, however, you can get energetically fatigued. Signs of  psychic overload are irritability, moodiness, restlessness, and sudden waves of  ennui and extreme drowsiness. If you’re experiencing these symptoms, have  compassion and understand that your psychic system works hard for you. It needs a  break from time to time.

Slow down the energetic input. You’re in a growth  spurt and must afford yourself regular and frequent periods of solitude as you  adjust to higher energy input. Six-sensory people regenerate best when alone,  with no one else to command their attention. Spending an hour here and there all  by yourself, doing something you enjoy uninterrupted, is one of the most  important ways to keep your vibes clear and on track and tight with the world.  Unplug the land phone and turn off the cellular phone. Make an appointment with  yourself, and relax in the healing energy of solitude. And do it without guilt.  Your spirit needs this psychic maintenance.

Yep, I guess that’s it. Properly said.

Now question, where do I seek solitude?

——————————–
Oh, the Starbucks Planner challenge?
MISSION ACOMPLISHED.